How To Help Your Child To Feel Secure and Confident

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Confidence means understanding. Uncertainty is the unknown. When someone doubts, they are unsure. People who know are sure. People who do not know, believe in luck.

Child Loves A Predictable World

A child sits in his high chair, happily eating a banana, a mother is peeling potatoes over the sink. The front door bangs and the father runs into the kitchen.

“Oh, there you are! Do you know where the car is?” He asks.
“It ran out of gas,” Mum replies. “I left it at the mechanics.”
The father, slightly annoyed, says: “When the meter shows ‘empty’, does the car need gasoline?”
“Well you,” shouts the mother, slightly embarrassed, “after all, was the one who ran the car ragged yesterday!” The battle continues, their voices become louder and angrier.
The child, eyes wide open in bewilderment, begins to cry. Forgotten banana falls onto the floor.
For the mother and the father, the quarrel will end soon, and they will laugh about it later. However, this affects the child much more seriously. Why? Because the predictability of his environment suddenly collapses. It threatens his confidence. The parents turned into evil strangers. They are absorbed in their own game, and this game excludes the baby from the reality. And he no longer knows what to expect.

Even a baby (who may not understand the words being spoken) will feel the emotions. For any person ( especially for a small child), confidence is predictability. An infant should know that the parents are here and that they will be here as alway for him to depend on.
Preventing disruptions like this is essential to protect the child’s sanity. Too many unpredictable incidents will cause the child to feel insecure.

Even Minor Accidents May Hurt Your Child

Little three-year-old Jenny runs to her mum with open arms and exclaims
“I love you, mummy!”
Mum, not looking up from her computer, says: “Don’t bother me. I’ll play with you later, sweetie.”
Jenny expected her love to be acknowledged and returned, but she was rejected. This may seem like a minor incident, but it can leave a deep scar.
Jenny goes and tells her mum that her doll is sleeping. Mum is still busy and ignores the conversation. Another possible injury.

Mum leads Jenny to the store. Jenny complains:
“But I do not like this dress!”
“Listen, this is a beautiful dress, sweetheart. You’ll love  it.”
Jenny expected mum to understand and agree with her about the dress. She didn’t know why mum disagreed.

Appreciate Your Kid’s Emotions

To reduce frustration, do predictable actions and take into account the child’s emotions. For a small child to feel safe, they must be kept warm,  well fed and well love. They need to be noticed and understood.

Do not leave them in a dangerous environment. A large number of children are urgently taken to hospital for gastric lavage after they have swallowed something. Some items should not be available to children. In addition to physical damage, this weakens his confidence that he will be unharmed in an environment that he considers safe.

Do not throw away anything belonging to a child without his/her permission. Although things you will most likely find in your child’s pockets during the wash you might find repulsive. However, you shouldn’t throw any of it away. As grown-ups, we will never understand the real value of a fragment of marble, dried snake skin, two bottle caps, and some radio components.

If a family changes something abruptly, for example, it moves to a new home or suddenly changes a the child’s school; the child needs to be told all the details in advance.
If a child has to visit a new place (nursery, kindergarten or a vacation trip), he needs to describe everything in detail. Let him know what to expect.

Leaving Your Child

If you are going to leave the child with someone, tell him or her about it  in advance. Some parents are real cowards in this regard. They hire a carer and quietly slip away while they distract the child. This is cruel since the child usually gets hysterical when he discovers the absence of the parents. This may be the reason that the child will develop mistrust in his parents. He never knows when they might disappear. He may become suspicious of every guest.

If you tell the child that you are leaving, and he begins to cry, go away anyway. Most children stop crying as soon as your car leaves the garage. This behaviour means that you have been unpredictable in the past, or the child thinks that tears can make you change your mind.

Do Not Force Your Child

No child should be forced to do or say something that he is shy about. Many misguided parents insist that little Mia plays the piano, read her poem or “Tell Mrs Indifferent this sweet story.”

Forcing a child might make them unconfident in themselves. Also, don’t make the child show emotion that they don’t feel. If they don’t want to kiss Auntie, don’t make him do it.

Tell your child the truth. If they find out that you lied to them about something, you will become an undependable figure for them.

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